Have u ever had the feeling, that something as big as a lemon is just sitting in the middle of your throat? This Lemon has been sitting in my throat for about a month now and it just seems to grow bigger and bigger by the day!
This weekend, Jeannette,Justin, Nadia & I ( Poor Tommy& Hana couldn't leave the Stores) went to cousin Suzie's Wedding... It was Beautiful and we had so much fun... I Love seeing my adopted Family..we always have so much FUN together!
Many of them met Nadia for the very first Time. Of course they couldn't help but fall in Love with her..:)
I was asked about how she is doing and when surgery was ALLOT... I usually have no problem talking about Nadia and her Heart defect.. but the more i was asked about June 7th.. the bigger the Lemon grew...
I held back pretty good..with a smile on my face I told them she would be just fine and asked to keep her in their prayers.
Yesterday on my way home from the gym ...Nadia was singing "we r young" along... she was looking out of the window with a big smile on her face.. she looked so happy.
Observing her from the mirror, i was wondering what she was thinking about...she was probably thinking about the episode of Micky Mouse she loves watching over and over again or maybe which Toy she will play with once she gets home.
I am so thankful she is to young to be thinking about what she will have to endure in just a little over a month...getting her chest cracked open again...having the ventilator put in , morphine, tubes, stitches, tears and pain all over again.... the thought and the fact that i won't be able to do anything about it AGAIN but to stand there, watch, maybe hold her hand.. made this lemon turn into a grenade ....and this grenade exploded in that moment ..
Every single emotion i was holding back over the past month just came bursting out of me ....i pulled over and just lost it for about a good minute.
Nadia started to get upset over me being upset ... i crawled into the back seat, unbuckled her and held her as tight as i could.
She rubbed my back and asked " OK mom?" "huh? mom..OK?"...as if she understood what i was going threw in this moment.
She was so sweet..she kissed my shoulder then held my wet cheeks in her tiny hands and just smiled as if she was telling me...it is going to be all OK.
If i could only trade with her.. if I could only give her my whole Heart and take her Half a Heart instead.
If i could only ...I would do it in a Heartbeat!!!!
My Lemon is gone for now.. my good Faith &Spirits returned to me.
I just needed a little push ...which in this case was Nadia's beautiful smile.. to remember that God is Good. That God is and has always been Good to us
Keep my sweet Baby in ur prayers
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